


Marauder's Era Chatroom

by A Sirius Crush On Moony (Obsession137)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Multi, Slash, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 18:30:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2398499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsession137/pseuds/A%20Sirius%20Crush%20On%20Moony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All of the characters in the Marauder's Era using a chatroom!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pennames

**PENNAMES**

**MissRedHead03**  – Lily

 **ILoveLily**  – James

 **CheeseIsAwesome**  – Peter

 **VoldyImYours**  – Bellatrix

 **TheDarkLord**  – Voldemort

 **THESherbetLemon**  – Dumbledore

 **TheHalfBloodPrince**  – Snape

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack**  – Sirius

 **Chocoholic10**  – Remus

 **JustTooHotForYou**  – Marlene

 **FutureMrsMalfoy**  – Narcissa

 **TheHottestBlackBrother**  – Regulus

 **HelloBeautiful**  – Scabior

 **TedTonksLover**  – Andromeda

 **AndromedaBlackLover**  – Ted

 **SlytherinKing**  – Lucius

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY**  – Barty

 **MissMeadowes772**  – Dorcas

 **WantToBeFree**  – Dobby

 **SlugsAreMisunderstood**  – Slughorn

 **ILoveMrsNorris111**  – Filch

 **TheBlackFamilyROCKS**  – Kreacher

 **TheWeirdSistersNO1Fan**  – Mary

 **KissALongbottom**  – Alice

 **WhyIsItAlwaysMe**  – Frank

 **NarglesAreToBlame**  - Luna


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chatroom gets up and running, things get heated and points are deducted from Gryffindor.

**THESherbetLemon:** Welcome everyone, to the Hogwarts chatroom! May I ask that you abide to the following rules; 1) No swearing 2) No talk of a sexual nature 3) No bullying. I am Professor Dumbledore, by the way.

 **MissRedHead03:** I think this is the PERFECT way for us Prefects to discuss things!

 **ILoveLily:**  Oh please, we don't want to listen to that!

 **MissRedHead03:** James Potter, change your name IMMEDIATELY!

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** I agree Potter, change your name.

 **ILoveLily:** Sorry, Lily-kins, but the chatroom won't let me change my name once I've decided on one ;)

 **MissRedHead03:** That's a lie!

_**MissRedHead03 has just changed her penname to MissRedHead04.** _

_**MissRedHead04 has just changed her penname to MissRedHead03.** _

**MissRedHead03:** See!

 **ILoveLily:** I'll only change my name if Snape changes his name to Snivellus.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:**  ...

 **ILoveLily:** I didn't think so.

 **MissRedHead03:**  Ughhh!

_**MissRedHead03 is now offline.** _

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** You don't love Lily, Potter...

 **ILoveLily** : What the fuck does your penname even  _MEAN_ , Snivellus? Do you think you're a Prince or something? Pathetic...

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** It is none of your business.

_**ILoveLily is now offline.** _

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** And now I am by myself.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** And evidently, I am talking to myself.

 **NarglesAreToBlame:** You're just as sane as I am.

_**TheHalfBloodPrince** _ _**is now offline.** _

* * *

**SlytherinKing:** I don't think that Mudbloods and Hufflepuffs should be allowed on this chatroom.

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** I agree, Lucius.

 **VoldyImYours:** If any Mudblood tries to talk to me on here, I'll Crucio them.

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** Bella, how can you Crucio them through a screen?

 **VoldyImYours:** I have my ways...

 **TedTonksLover:** I think you're all being very unfair. My boyfriend is a Hufflepuff  _and_  a Muggle-born, and I love him.

 **AndromedaBlackLover:** I love you too, Andie xxxxx

 **VoldyImYours:** That's why you're no longer a part of our family you filthy blood traitor scum! And I just vomited in my mouth at his comment.

 **AndromedaBlackLover:**  Good. I hope it tasted vile...

 **VoldyImYours:** FUCK YOU MUDBLOOD!

_**TedTonksLover and AndromedaBlackLover are now offline.** _

**SlytherinKing:** Good riddance.

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** Hi Lucius ;)

 **SlytherinKing:** Hello Narcissa. Thanks for boxes of chocolates. All ten of them.

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** I love you!

_**SlytherinKing is now offline.** _

**HufflepuffsAreGAY:** Shame.

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** Shove off, Barty. Your penname is stupid.

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** Stupid? Are you telling me you  _like_  Hufflepuffs?

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** No, it's stupid to use 'gay' as an insult. Especially if you are gay yourself.

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** Are you calling  _me_  gay!? Cissy, you're mental!

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** Right! Like I haven't seen you and Regulus snogging behind the Quidditch stands a hundred times...

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:**...

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:**  Don't drag me into this, I was happy just observing the conversation.

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:**  Sorry Reggie. Your boyfriend is just an annoying prick.

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:**...

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:**  Barty, meet me behind the Quidditch stands asap.

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** *-*

_**HufflepuffsAreGAY and TheHottestBlackBrother are now offline.** _

**VoldyImYours:**  I can't believe my little cousin is gay. At least he's with a Slytherin.

 **FutureMrsBlack:** I know, Bella. I'm the only sane one left in the family.

 **VoldyImYours:**  *Raises eyebows*

 **FutureMrsBlack:** Well, Reggie is gay. Sirius is Gryffindor. Andie is with a mudblood and you are lusting over Lord Voldemort. Do I need to explain?

 **VoldyImYours:** Voldemort is sexy.

_**FutureMrsBlack is now offline.** _

**VoldyImYours:** WELL HE  _IS_!

 **TheDarkLord:** I know I am, Bella. I know. Now, come to me.

_**VoldyImYours and TheDarkLord are now offline.** _

* * *

**SlugsAreMisunderstood:** Mr Black, may I ask why you did not attend my Potions lesson this afternoon?

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** I was there...

 **SlugsAreMisunderstood:**  I was talking about your brother.

_**TheHottestBlackBrother is now offline.** _

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:**... I was there in spirit?

 **ILoveLily:** Nice one, Padfoot.

 **SlugsAreMisunderstood:** Detention. Both of you, and 20 points from Gryffindor.

_**SlugsAreMisunderstood is now offline.** _

**MissRedHead03:** UGGHHHHH!

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** That time of the month, Evans?

_**MissRedHead03 is now offline.** _

**Chocoholic10:** That was uncalled for, Sirius.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Moooooony!

 **Chocoholic10:** Yes?

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Nothing. I just felt like saying it ;)

 **Chocoholic10:** Right...

_**Chocoholic10 is now offline.** _

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Hey Prongs – wanna prank Snivellus with me?

 **ILoveLily:** HELL YEAH!

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack and ILoveLily are now offline.** _

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** Oh dear...

_**TheHalfBloodPrince is now offline.** _


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voldemort gets offended, people get in trouble, someone gets rejected, and is someone pregnant!?

**TheDarkLord:** I would like you guys to do something for me.

 **SlytherinKing:** What is it, My Lord?

 **VoldyImYours:**  Yes, My Lord. What do you want me to do to you?

 **HelloBeautiful:** Kinky, Bella... ;)

 **VoldyImYours:** Fuck you, Scabior.

 **TheDarkLord:** My loyal followers, your mission is to obtain a very special object from Hogwarts and bring it to me.

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** What is it?

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** I can get it for you, My Lord.

 **TheDarkLord:** Where is Severus?

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** I'm here, just reading a book on how to shrink my nose back to its normal size...

 **TheDarkLord:** HOW  _DARE_  YOU?

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** It wasn't  _me_  who did it! It was those idiots Black and Potter!

 **HelloBeautiful:** Psst. I think he was referring to the fact that you said the 'N' word.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** The  _'N'_  word?

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** *Whispers* ...nose...

_**TheDarkLord is now offline.** _

**VoldyImYours:** MY LORD! COME BACK! WE DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU!

_**VoldyImYours has invited TheDarkLord to join the conversation.** _

_**TheDarkLord has declined VoldyImYours's invitation to join the conversation.** _

_**VoldyImYours is now offline.** _

**SlytherinKing:** Well if Voldy's not here, I'm leaving too.

_**SlytherinKing is now offline.** _

**HelloBeautiful:** I wonder what he wanted us to get for him anyway?

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** Probably a nose.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** Seriously you guys... do any of you know how to shrink my nose back to its normal size?

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** No, sorry.

_**TheHalfBloodPrince is now offline.** _

**HelloBeautiful:** Well that was rude. Not even a goodbye.

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** It's Snape... what did you expect?

 **HelloBeautiful:** True that. Do you think Voldy will still be upset tomorrow?

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** Nah, Bellatrix is probably comforting him now...

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:**...

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:**...

 **HelloBeautiful:**...

 **HelloBeautiful:** Oh shit, poor Voldemort. I'd better go check on him!

_**HelloBeautiful is now offline.** _

**HufflepuffsAreGAY:** All alone now, Reggie...

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** Oh yes we are ;)

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** What do you suppose we do now that we're all alone?

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** Let's talk dirty.

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** I'm horny.

 **THESherbetLemon:** May I remind you of the rules of this chatroom. No talks of a sexual nature. Unless you want the whole school and I to know what you're up to behind closed doors...

_**TheHottestBlackBrother and HufflepuffsAreGAY are now offline.** _

**ILoveMrsNorris111:** Good one, Dumbledore.

 **THESherbetLemon:** I know Argus, I know.

_**THESherbetLemon and ILoveMrsNorris111 are now offline.** _

* * *

**CheeseIsAwesome:** Has been pigging out in the Great Hall all afternoon.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Wormtail, you  _do_  know this isn't Facebook, right?

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** WHAT?!

 **Chocoholic10:** It's just a chatroom.

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** What's the point of it, then? We all see each other in person all the time anyway!

 **ILoveLily:** It gives me a way to stalk Lily in a new way.

 **Chocoholic10:** And that isn't creepy at all...

 **ILoveLily:** It isn't!

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I think the word that did it was 'stalk'.

 **ILoveLily:** Oh come on! I didn't  _mean_  it! I don't  _stalk_  her...

 **Chocoholic10:**... Yes, you do.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** All the TIME!

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** I saw you writing her name on your homework yesterday with loads of love hearts.

 **Chocoholic10:** *Sniggers*

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Prongs, my friend. You are a very very sad little man.

 **ILoveLily:** Shut up. I could easily enough embarrass all of you guys too...

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** Please do.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** EWWWW  _Snivellus_. Run for cover!

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** How immature.

 **ILoveLily:** I'm leaving. Come on guys.

_**ILoveLily, SiriuslySiriusBlack, Chocoholic10 and CheeseIsAwesome are now offline.** _

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** And once again, it's just me.

 **WhyIsItAlwaysMe:** Actually, I'm here too.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** Longbottom.

 **WhyIsItAlwaysMe:** Snape. Snape. Severus Snape.

 **THESherbetLemon:** DUMBLEDORE!

_**TheHalfBloodPrince and WhyIsItAlwaysMe are now offline.** _

* * *

**TedTonksLover:** Ted, I need to tell you something.

 **AndromedaBlackLover:** What is it, sweetheart?

 **TedTonksLover:**...

 **AndromedaBlackLover:** Well?

 **TedTonksLover:** I'm pregnant!

_**AndromedaBlackLover is now offline.** _

**TedTonksLover:** Ted?

_**TedTonksLover is now offline.** _

**MissRedHead03:** They  _do_  know that everybody on the chatroom could see that conversation, right?

 **Transfiguration101:** I shall speak to Miss Black about her options.

_**MissRedHead03 and Transfiguration101 are now offline.** _

* * *

**JustTooHotForYou:** Sirius Black? I know you can see this message. Please answer me.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Whoever you are, you have a pretty big head.  _JustTooHotForYou_? Right... If you're Snivellus, I think I'll vomit.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** Oh please. I'm too hot for everyone.

 **TheDarkLord:** Even me.

 **JustTooHotForYou:** Excuse me! I only wanted to speak to SIRIUS.

 **TheDarkLord:** Neyaaaaaaa!

_**TheDarkLord and TheHalfBloodPrince are now offline.** _

**JustTooHotForYou:** Can't you tell who I am by my profile picture?

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** All I can see is a pair of tits.

 **ILoveLily:** LET ME SEE THEM!

 **JustTooHotForYou:** Don't you recognise me?

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** No, I don't spend my time staring at girls boobs actually. I'm not as shallow as you might think. I actually look at their faces.

 **ILoveLily:** Those are  _huge_!

_**ILoveLily has invited Chocoholic10 to join the conversation.** _

_**Chocoholic10 has accepted ILoveLily's invitation to join the conversation.** _

**ILoveLily:** Hey Remus, take a look at those knockers!

 **Chocoholic10:** You invited me to the conversation to look at someone's boobs?

_**Chocoholic10 is now offline.** _

**JustTooHotForYou:** James, please leave.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** JUST TELL ME WHO YOU ARE, DAMMIT!

_**ILoveLily is now offline.** _

**JustTooHotForYou:** I'm Marlene McKinnon.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Oh.

 **JustTooHotForYou:** Sirius, I was wondering if you wanted to go out to Hogsmeade soon?

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Nah.

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack is now offline.** _

**JustTooHotForYou:** That was rude!

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** I'll go with you, Marlene...

_**JustTooHotForYou is now offline.** _


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People are getting fraped, parents get involved, things are confessed, and pennames are changed.

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** I'm so madly in love with James Potter! He's so sexy and I dream about him every single day of my life.

 **WhyIsItAlwaysMe:**...

 **SlytherinKing:**...

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** Oh dear...

 **ILoveLily:** Ew. EWEWEWEEWEWEWEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. NO NONO.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Trololol.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** Very funny, Black.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** It is very funny that you have a little crush on old Prongsy here!

 **ILoveLily:** Grosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** I know you fraped me.

 **ILoveLily:** Ewwwww he wants me to rape him! Someone get me a bucket, I feel sick!

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** The idiocy here is overwhelming.

_**TheHalfBloodPrince is now offline.** _

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** LOLOLOL

 **THESherbetLemon:** I can see what is going on here. 10 points from Gryffindor, and a new rule – no hacking into other people's accounts Mr. Black.

_**ILoveLily and SiriuslySiriusBlack are now offline.** _

* * *

**TedTonksLover:** Baby, false alarm!

 **AndromedaBlackLover:** Don't ever post anything like that on here again. Everybody can see.

 **VoldyImYours:** Yeah, and I'm telling Mother!

 **TedTonksLover:** It was a false alarm guys, gosh!

_**VoldyImYours has invited MrsBlack to join the conversation.** _

**TedTonksLover:** Oh shit. BELLA!

_**TedTonksLover is now offline.** _

_**MrsBlack has joined the conversation.** _

**VoldyImYours:** Bye!

_**VoldyImYours is now offline.** _

**MrsBlack:** What is going on here?

 **AndromedaBlackLover:** NOTHING, NOTHING! .

_**AndromedaBlackLover is now offline.** _

**CheeseIsAwesome:** Well Andromeda Black thought that Ted Tonks got her pregnant because they had sex, I assume.

 **MrsBlack:**...

_**Mrs Black has invited TedTonksLover and AndromedaBlackLover to join the conversation.** _

_**TedTonksLover and AndromedaBlackLover have declined MrsBlack's invitation to join the conversation.** _

_**MrsBlack is now offline.** _

**CheeseIsAwesome:** DRAMA!

* * *

 **THESherbetLemon:** Mr Lupin, I need to speak to you.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** OOOOOOOOH REMUS IS IN  _TROUBLE_

 **MissRedHead03:** Shut up, Black. I'm sure it's nothing bad.

 **Chocoholic10:** What is it, professor? Shall I come to your office?

 **THESherbetLemon:** You could come  _in_ my office baby ;)

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack** : Okay, ew.

 **MissRedHead03:** That's not funny. Whoever you are, you're going to get into big trouble when Dumbledore finds out you fraped him.

 **Chocoholic10:** Just ignore them Lily.

 **THESherbetLemon:** I know your secret, Remus Lupin. The reason you go "home" all the time.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Fuck you, Snape. We all know who you are.

_**The chatroom has been temporarily shut down for maintenance.** _

* * *

_**The chatroom is no longer shut down for maintenance.** _

**THESherbetLemon:** I would like to take this time to warn you all that hacking into other people's accounts will not be tolerated and the consequences will be very severe. If I find that anybody does this again, you will be expelled. In other news, there is a new feature to the chatroom. You can now like other people's comments. For instance...  
 _THESherbetLemon_ _liked this comment._

 **ILoveLily:** I think that Snivellus should be banned from the chatroom!  
 _SiriuslySiriusBlack_ _and_ _CheeseIsAwesome_   _liked this comment._

 **THESherbetLemon:** And who is this 'Snivellus'?

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** The dolts are referring to me.  
 _MissRedHead03_ _liked this comment._

 **THESherbetLemon:** Mr Snape has been dealt with.

_**THESherbetLemon is now offline.** _

* * *

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack has created a private chatroom.** _

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack has invited Chocoholic10 to join the conversation.** _

_**Chocoholic10 has joined the conversation.** _

**Chocoholic10:** What is it, Sirius?

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I wanted to talk privately about something.

 **Chocoholic10:** Make it quick, I'm really busy with homework.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I can't make it quick...

 **Chocoholic10:** Well, tell me later in person. Sorry, I have to go!

_**Chocoholic10 is now offline.** _

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I can't tell you in person...

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I'm too afraid.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:**...I love you.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** And I finally worked up the courage to tell you and you just left.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Damn it!

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack is now offline.** _

* * *

**FutureMrsMalfoy:** Dear Lucius Malfoy. I am writing to you to tell you how much I love you and that I know that somewhere deep deep down inside you love me too. I want you to know that one day I will marry you and have your babies. It might sound weird, but I know it's going to happen. I don't even know why I'm writing this because I'm not going to press send. Imagine you knowing that I want to have your babies, gosh! Anyway, I adore you xxx

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** NO I DIDN'T MEAN TO SEND THAT!

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** LA LA LA

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** KJFHKSFHJKDSFHJKAHFJKSA

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** JFLKDJFLDJSFLKSJFLSJFLADJFL

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** SOOOOOO how is everybody today!

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** Hello? Anyone?

 **SlytherinKing:** I'm here.

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** Oh, Lucius! Hey! :)

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Lololol

 **ILoveLily:** Another awkward moment...

 **SlytherinKing:** I don't want you to have my babies.  
 _SiriuslySiriusBlack, ILoveLily_ _and_ _THESherbetLemon_ _liked this comment._

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** DUMBLEDORE WHY DID YOU LIKE THAT COMMENT!?

_**THESherbetLemon is now offline.** _

**FutureMrsMalfoy:** I kind of feel betrayed.

 **SlytherinKing:** Ignore Dumbledore.

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** I was talking about YOU.

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack and ILoveLily are now offline.** _

**SlytherinKing:** Sorry...

 **FutureMrsMalfoy:** I'M HAVING YOUR BABIES WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!

_**SlytherinKing is now offline.** _

**FutureMrsMalfoy:** :'(

* * *

 **TheDarkLord:** I hope that my followers will no longer be rude to me, so then I can continue the conversation I was having earlier with you.

 **MissRedHead03:** Just a tip, there's a new feature where you can create a private chatroom.  
 _VoldyImYours, TheHottestBlackBrother, HufflepuffsAreGAY, TheHalfBloodPrince, HelloBeautiful_ _and_ _SlytherinKing_ _liked this comment._

 **TheDarkLord:** I  _know_  that!

_**TheDarkLord is now offline.** _

* * *

_**TheDarkLord has created a private chatroom.** _

_**TheDarkLord has invited TheHalfBloodPrince, SlytherinKing, VoldyImYours, HelloBeautiful, ILoveLily, TheHottestBlackBrother and HufflepuffsAreGAY to join the conversation.** _

_**TheHalfBloodPrince, SlytherinKing, VoldyImYours, HelloBeautiful, ILoveLily, TheHottestBlackBrother and HufflepuffsAreGAY have joined the conversation.** _

**TheDarkLord:** My loyal followers.

 **ILoveLily:** Why am I here?

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** GET OFF POTTER.

 **ILoveLily:** Voldy invited me.

 **TheDarkLord:** My finger must have slipped. Leave.

 **ILoveLily:** Say the magic word.

 **TheDarkLord:** Which one?

 **ILoveLily:** Say  _please_

 **TheDarkLord:** Please leave.

 **ILoveLily:** No.

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** Just fucking leave

 **HelloBeautiful:** We're trying to talk here

 **ILoveLily:** You can't just invite someone to your conversation and then tell them to leave, that's really rude.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** Can you change your penname already!?

_**ILoveLily has just changed his penname to SeverusSnapeIsASmellyFreak.  
** _ _TheHottestBlackBrother, HufflepuffsAreGAY, TheDarkLord_ _and_ _HelloBeautiful_ _liked this event._

**SeverusSnapeIsASmellyFreak:** There we go. Happy? :)

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** CHANGE IT.

_**SeverusSnapeIsASmellyFreak has just changed his penname to ILoveLily.** _

**TheDarkLord:** I liked the previous one better, just saying.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** Make him leave, My Lord! I beg you!

 **TheDarkLord:** You heard the 'smelly freak', Potter. Off you go.

 **ILoveLily:** See ya, Voldy!

 **TheDarkLord:** Bye! xxx

_**ILoveLily is now offline.** _

**VoldyImYours:** I don't mean to pry, but why did you send kisses to Potter and not to any of us?

 **TheDarkLord:** Our time is up. Got things to do, people to kill. I will make a new chatroom in a few days. Goodbye Lucius, Severus, Regulus, Scabior and Barty. xxxxx

 **TheDarkLord:** Oh, and mustn't forget Bellatrix.

_**TheDarkLord is now offline.** _

_**SlytherinKing, TheHalfBloodPrince, TheHottestBlackBrother, HelloBeautiful and HufflepuffsAreGAY are now offline.** _

_**VoldyImYours has just changed her penname to TheDarkLord.  
** _ **ERROR: THIS PENNAME IS ALREADY TAKEN.  
** __**VoldyImYours has just changed her penname to TheDarkLord1.**

**TheDarkLord1:** Bellatrix I love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**TheDarkLord1 has just changed her penname to VoldyImYours.** _

**VoldyImYours:** Oh Voldy, I love you too darling! :* xxx

_**VoldyIm Yours is now offline.** _


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of people are gay, and Peter doesn't know how to add people to private chatrooms!

_**CheeseIsAwesome has created a private chatroom.** _

**CheeseIsAwesome:** Hello guys.

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Anyone there?

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Hellooooo?

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Did I do something wrong?

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Why is everyone ignoring me :(

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** SERIOUSLY!

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Whatever.

_**CheeseIsAwesome is now offline.** _

* * *

**ILoveLily:** Yo, we're gonna beat you Slytherins later in Quidditch!

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I'm gonna catch the Snitch before the game's even begun!

 **ILoveLily:** YEAH!

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Take that, slimeballs!

 **Chocoholic10:** Sirius, you're a Beater...  
 _ILoveLily_ _and_ _MissRedHead03_ _liked this comment._

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** So what! Still better than my baby brother.

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** I don't think so.  
 _TheHalfBloodPrince_ _liked this comment._

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I do think so.

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** And I'm not a baby

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** You'll always be my wittle baby brother :)

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** Shut up

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** PEEK A BOO

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** Very mature Sirius

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Ooooooooh the wittle baby can say big words like 'mature'! How cute!

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** LOLOLOL

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** Okay then...

_**TheHottestBlackBrother is now offline.** _

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Wittle baby left

 **Chocoholic10:** Oh, leave him alone Sirius.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** He's been asking for it his entire life...

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** I decided to forgive you guys.

 **ILoveLily:** Forgive us for what, exactly?  
 _SiriuslySiriusBlack_ _and_ _Chocoholic10_ _liked this comment._

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** For ignoring me earlier.

 **Chocoholic10:** I never ignored you...

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Neither did I

 **ILoveLily:** I only ignored you when you were telling me about the different brands of cheese you're getting for Christmas...

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** On the chatroom... all of you ignored me!

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** WHEN?

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Earlier when I made the private chatroom for us to talk!

 **Chocoholic10:** You made a private chatroom?

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Yeah and you guys didn't even bother to talk to me :(

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** LOLOLOL

 **ILoveLily:** Seriously Sirius stop with that lolol thing.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Actually it's 'LOLOLOL' and it's not 'seriously', it's 'siriusly'

 **Chocoholic10:** Peter, when you create a private chatroom you need to actually invite people to join. I think you forgot to invite us.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** LOLOLOLOL

 **ILoveLily:** SHUT UP SIRIUS

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Oh, I might have forgotten to invite you. Oops.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** So you were sitting there talking to yourself?

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** I guess so.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** LOLOLOLOLOL

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** It's okay Pettigrew, happens to me all the time when people leave the chatroom.

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack, ILoveLily, Chocoholic10 and CheeseIsAwesome are now offline.** _

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** Wonderful.

 **SlugsAreMisundersood:** Hello Severus, let's chat.

_**TheHalfBloodPrince is now offline.** _

* * *

_**THESherbetLemon has created a private chatroom.** _

_**THESherbetLemon has invited SlugsAreMisunderstood to join the conversation.** _

_**SlugsAreMisunderstood has joined the conversation.** _

**SlugsAreMisunderstood:** Albus, let me make this clear – I am not interested in your offer.

 **THESherbetLemon:** Why?

 **SlugsAreMisunderstood:** I am not gay.

 **THESherbetLemon:** :'(

 **SlugsAreMisunderstood:** Okay, bye.

_**SlugsAreMisunderstood is now offline.** _

**THESherbetLemon:** Muggle-fucking son of a banshee !

_**THESherbetLemon is now offline.** _

* * *

**JustTooHotForYou:** Sirius Black is so sexy!  
 _SiriuslySiriusBlack_ _liked this comment._

 **TheWeirdSistersNO1Fan:** I KNOW!  
 _SiriuslySiriusBlack_ _liked this comment._

 **KissALongbottom:** I'm in love with Frank, but I can agree. Sirius is pretty yummy ;)  
 _SiriuslySiriusBlack_ _liked this comment._

 **MissMeadowes772:** I want him in my bed now.  
 _SiriuslySiriusBlack_ _liked this comment._

 **MissRedHead03:** He's good-looking I suppose, but not my type.  
 _SiriuslySiriusBlack_ _liked this comment._

 **ILoveLily:** LILY YOU CAN'T BE ATTRACTED TO SIRIUS.  
 _TheHalfBloodPrince_ _liked this comment._

 **MissRedHead03:** I can be attracted to whoever I want, and I never said I was attracted to him.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** You can do so much better than Black.  
 _ILoveLily_ _liked this comment._

 **MissMeadowes772:** If Lily doesn't want him, I'll have him!

 **JustTooHotForYou:** Sorry Dorcas, he's already mine!

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Sorry ladies, not interested!

 **TheWeirdSistersNO1Fan:** THAT MEANS HE'S INTERESTED IN ME! OH MERLIN! *faints*

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** No, not really...  
 _MissMeadowes772_ _and_ _JustTooHotForYou_ _liked this comment._

 **JustTooHotForYou:** His brother's kinda hot too, you know...

 **MissMeadowes772:** If you can forget the fact he's a Slytherin, then yes. I'd do him.

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN!

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** Barty... delete that now!

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** It won't let me delete it!

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** Everyone, he was joking! I'm not his man...

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Mmhmm.

 **JustTooHotForYou:** Maybe Sirius is gay. I mean, why else would he not want me?  
 _MissMeadowes772, TheHottestBlackBrother, MissRedHead03, TheHalfBloodPrince, HufflepuffsAreGAY, TheWeirdSistersNO1Fan_ _and_ _KissALongbottom_ _liked this comment._

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack is now offline.** _

**JustTooHotForYou:** OOOOOOH SIRIUS IS GAY!

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** Knew it.

 **JustTooHotForYou:** Come on girls, we need to discuss this!

_**JustTooHotForYou, MissMeadowes772, MissRedHead03, WeirdSistersNO1Fan and KissALongbottom are now offline.** _

**ILoveLily:** Sirius isn't gay, just so you know. I would know, he's my best friend. He would have told me.

 **TheHottestBlackBrother:** Doubt it.

_**ILoveLily is now offline.** _

**TheHottestBlackBrother:** That was a close one Barty

 **HufflepuffsAreGAY:** Sorry!

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** You do know I'm still here right?

_**TheHottestBlackBrother and HufflepuffsAreGAY are now offline.** _

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** Alone.

 **TheHalfBloodPrince:** Again.

_**TheHalfBloodPrince is now offline.** _

* * *

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack has created a private chatroom.** _

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack has invited Chocoholic10 to join the conversation.** _

_**Chocoholic10 has joined the conversation.** _

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I need to tell you something.

 **Chocoholic10:** What is it?

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I need to tell you who I'm in love with.

 **Chocoholic10:** :O

 **Chocoholic10:** ONE SECOND.

_**Chocoholic10 has invited ILoveLily and CheeseIsAwesome to join the conversation.** _

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** WHAT ARE YOU DOING REMUS?!

_**ILoveLily and CheeseIsAwesome have joined the conversation.** _

**Chocoholic10:** Guys, Sirius is going to tell us who he's in love with!

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** FINALLY!

 **ILoveLily:** Hmm...

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Jeez thanks Remus.

 **ILoveLily:** I have a bone to pick with you Sirius.

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I have a bone to pick with Remus.

 **Chocoholic10:** Why?

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** This conversation was supposed to be  _private_

 **Chocoholic10:** Oh.

 **Chocoholic10:** Sorry!

 **ILoveLily:** Sirius, I hate to ask this...

 **SiriuslySiriusBlack:** But you will anyway. Go on...

 **ILoveLily:** Well

 **ILoveLily:** You wouldn't happen to be gay, would you?

 **Chocoholic10:**  What kind of question is that?! Of course he isn't!

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Yeah, he would have told us if he was! He's our best friend, right Sirius?

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack is now offline.** _

**ILoveLily:** My point exactly.

 **Chocoholic10:** You think it could be true?

 **ILoveLily:** Why else would he sign off right now?

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Maybe he needed the toilet

 **ILoveLily:** No, Wormtail.

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** Maybe he was hungry

 **Chocoholic10:** No, Wormtail.

 **ILoveLily:** Maybe that's what he was going to tell you before you invited us!

 **Chocoholic10:** Maybe...

 **ILoveLily:** But why would he tell you and not us?

 **Chocoholic10:** Because Wormtail is a gossip.

 **CheeseIsAwesome:** :'(

_**CheeseIsAwesome is now offline.** _

**ILoveLily:** OMG

 **ILoveLily:** NO, OMG

 **Chocoholic10:** WHAT!

 **ILoveLily:** Sirius loves me! Oh Merlin how did I not see this!

 **Chocoholic10:** Why would you say that?

 **ILoveLily:** He couldn't exactly tell  _me_ , which is why he was going to tell you instead!

 **Chocoholic10:** You're right!

 **ILoveLily:** Oh man, I'm going to have to let him down lightly

 **Chocoholic10:** Poor Sirius :(

 **ILoveLily:** Well, I'd better go and break his heart.

 **Chocoholic10:** Good luck

 **ILoveLily:** Thanks...

_**ILoveLily is now offline.** _

**Chocoholic10:** *Sigh*

 **Chocoholic10:** I guess it's my turn to talk to myself then since I have nothing better to do

 **Chocoholic10:** LALALA

 **Chocoholic10:** I LOVE SIRIUS BLACK !

 **Chocoholic10:** Oh, I love him

 **Chocoholic10:** So much *sigh*

 **Chocoholic10:** If only...

 **Chocoholic10:** Okay this is sad

 **Chocoholic10:**  And childish

 **Chocoholic10:** I'm going now

 **Chocoholic10:** Bye Remus!

 **Chocoholic10:** Byeeeee!

_**Chocoholic10 is now offline.** _


	6. Chapter 6

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I am sooooo bored.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Someone talk to me.

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** Hello there, Black.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** When I said "someone", I was referring to an actual person. Not a creep like you.

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** You're one to talk. Homo.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Fuck you.

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** Exactly. You're disgusting.

**HufflepuffsAreGAY:** He should be in Hufflepuff. Get it, like my penname?

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** Barty, you're as gay as he is.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Would everyone stop assuming I'm gay!  
 _HufflepuffsAreGAY_ _and_ _TheHottestBlackBrother_ _liked this comment._

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** Notice how all the closeted gay people liked your comment.  
 _VoldyImYours_ _liked this comment._

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack, TheHottestBlackBrother and HufflepuffsAreGAY are now offline.** _

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** And now they all left to have a threesome.

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** Ew.

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** EWWWWW Sirius and Regulus are brothers.

**TheHalfBloodPrince:** I take that back. No threesomes.

**CheeseIsAwesome:** What is a threesome?

_**TheHalfBloodPrince is now offline.** _

**THESherbetLemon:** Mr Pettigrew, please drop this conversation. I'm sure you have studying to do.

_**CheeseIsAwesome is now offline.** _

* * *

_**TheDarkLord has created a private chatroom.** _

_**TheDarkLord has invited TheHalfBloodPrince, SlytherinKing, VoldyImYours, HelloBeautiful, TheHottestBlackBrother and HufflepuffsAreGAY to join the chatroom.** _

_**SlytherinKing, VoldyImYours, HelloBeautiful, TheHottestBlackBrother and HufflepuffsAreGAY have joined the chatroom.** _

**TheDarkLord:** Hello again, everyone. How are we all?

**VoldyImYours:** I'm great thanks, and how are you My Lord?

**TheDarkLord:** I'm doing well.

**VoldyImYours:** I'm glad. Would you like to hear about my day? I've been working on something to give to you.

**TheDarkLord:** I'm afraid not, Bellatrix. I have things to discuss with you and the others.

**VoldyImYours:** Oh. Of course...

**SlytherinKing:** What is it?

**TheDarkLord:** Do you remember the other day when I asked for you to get me something?

**HelloBeautiful:** Yeah, and then you disappeared because Snape made that joke about noses.  
 _SlytherinKing_ _,_ _TheHottestBlackBrother_ _and_ _HufflepuffsAreGAY_ _liked this comment._

**TheDarkLord:**  ...

**TheDarkLord:** Speaking of Severus, why has he not joined the chatroom? I invited him.

**HufflepuffsAreGAY:** He's probably off stalking that Evans girl in Gryffindor again.

**VoldyImYours:** His choice in women is shocking.

**SlytherinKing:** Evans may be a Gryffindor but she's still preferable to you, Bella.  
 _TheDarkLord_ _liked this comment._

**VoldyImYours:** You're joking.

**SlytherinKing:** You're nutty, Bellatrix.

**TheDarkLord:** And I hate nuts.

* * *

**ATTENTION: THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE HAS BEEN REQUESTED TO BE SENT OUT TO EVERYONE. PLEASE PAY CLOSE ATTENTION.**

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I have Snape. Dispense all rumours of me being gay or he will pay.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Heh, that rhymed.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Okay, that's all. Get back to what you're doing.

* * *

**TheDarkLord:** I suppose that answers the question about where Severus is.

**SlytherinKing:** Shall we go and save him?

**TheDarkLord:** Please, Lucius. He is essential to my plan.

_**SlytherinKing is now offline.** _

**TheDarkLord:** Regulus, Scabior and Bartemius, please leave the chatroom.

_**TheHottestBlackBrother, HelloBeautiful and HufflepuffsAreGAY are now offline.** _

**TheDarkLord:** Bella.

**VoldyImYours:** Yes? :D :D

**TheDarkLord:** I would like you to change your penname.

**VoldyImYours:** Why? :(

**TheDarkLord:** Because you are not mine. And it makes me seem weak.

**VoldyImYours:** But I could be yours.

**TheDarkLord:** CHANGE YOUR PENNAME!

_**VoldyImYours has just changed her penname to BellatrixBlack.** _

_**BellatrixBlack is now offline.** _

**TheDarkLord:** Finally!

* * *

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Dammit, Lucius stole Snape.

**ILoveLily:** Good. He was stinking up the dorm.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** And I think I need to have ten showers now just from being in close proximity.

**Chocoholic10:** Wow, Sirius, you used a big word!  
 _SiriuslySiriusBlack_ _liked this comment._

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Are you proud?

**Chocoholic10:** Very :) _  
SiriuslySiriusBlack_ _liked this comment._

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** :D

**Chocoholic10:** :) xxx

**Chocoholic10:** Er...

**Chocoholic10:** So anyway, I should probably get started on my homework.

_**Chocoholic10 is now offline.** _

**ILoveLily:** Is there something going on that I should know about?  
 _CheeseIsAwesome_ _liked this comment._

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I was wondering the same thing.

**MissRedHead03:** You lot are all blind.

**ILoveLily:** And so are you Lily-kins, if you can't see how perfect we are together.

**MissRedHead03:** You're gross, Potter. Give it a rest.

_**MissReadHead03 is now offline.** _

**ILoveLily:** Sirius, leave the chatroom with me. I need to talk to you.

_**ILoveLily and SiriuslySiriusBlack are now offline.** _

**CheeseIsAwesome:** Wait for me, guys!

**CheeseIsAwesome:** Guys?

**CheeseIsAwesome:**...

**CheeseIsAwesome:** Whatever.

_**CheeseIsAwesome is now offline.** _

* * *

_**ILoveLily has created a private chatroom.** _

_**ILoveLily has invited SiriuslySiriusBlack to join the chatroom.** _

_**SiriuslySiriusBlack has joined the chatroom.** _

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** What did you want to talk about?

**ILoveLily:** Let's just get right to the point. Are you gay or not?

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** No.

**ILoveLily:** Look, mate. You know I won't care either way.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:**  Why are you so sure I'm lying?

**ILoveLily:** Because I know you better than I know myself.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Fine.

**ILoveLily:** Fine?

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Maybe I am gay.

**ILoveLily:** Knew it! :D

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Are we done here?

**ILoveLily:** Wait. Remus and I know who you're in love with.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** What?!

**ILoveLily:** You should know I'm okay with it.

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** And Remus?

**ILoveLily:** Why should he care?

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** I'm lost.

**ILoveLily:** You're in love with me, right?

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:**...

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** LOLOLOL

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Of  _course_  you would think that.

**ILoveLily:** Oh. Phew! That's great!

**SiriuslySiriusBlack:** Idiot.

**ILoveLily:** So, who is it that you love?

* * *

**ATTENTION: THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE HAS BEEN REQUESTED TO BE SENT OUT TO EVERYONE. PLEASE PAY CLOSE ATTENTION.**

**TheBlackFamilyROCKS:** Kreacher would like to tell everybody that he has looked through Master Sirius's things and has found proof that Master Sirius is gay.

**TheBlackFamilyROCKS:** Kreacher has found a love letter that Master Sirius has written to someone but he has not sent it.

**TheBlackFamilyROCKS:** The love letter is addressed to Mr Remus Lupin.


End file.
